Can You Keep A Secret?

There you were sitting alone, trying to enjoy the view outside that bus on your way home and observing around, watching the civilians as they were all busy with their own lives. Even when a stranger briefly interrupted your focus as he seated beside you, you were still as keen as you were when you watch that people outside again, registering whatever movement that they do. But not too long later, your bared arms felt gentle strokes. You were caressed by the stranger beside you and you were unsure as to how to react. Though your mind resisted, your skeleton key was quick to response – you got a hard-on! He was a stranger but who cares, right? You had fun. You climaxed. You wished there was more. But weren’t you too blinded to see that sex isn’t the sole purpose of your existence?

I was there sitting alone inside that bus and trying to feel the silence I rarely get on my way home. Someone came and briefly interrupted the quick meditation I was slowly absorbing. We talked and talked and talked. We might have become really close friends now or he could have stayed a cool acquaintance. I told him I have a boyfriend but he still offered indecent suggestions in the end … and that really turned me off. He tried to go further but I refused to go along with his thoughts. He invited me to drop by in his place. I asked why but he only inquired if I felt chilly. I don’t need a cup of coffee or any diversion that’s hot and stimulating, I said. He showed a disgusted face and turned away. Though it concluded that way, I was tempted deep inside. But devotion is such a divine word.

I knew how hard it is to resist temptation, but isn’t it great if you still see yourself as someone who somehow got soul, class and style (Ain’t No Other Man?) … and not as a classless bitch? There are a lot of gays who love to brag about their ‘sexcapades’ and who they had sex with. Though the storytelling always sounded entertaining to me, the idea of ‘kissing and telling’ always felt like unethical and uncalled for. I ain’t stereotyping though, for I also knew a lot of gays who were just morally upright and sensible.

But everything that is considered part of culture cannot be changed just like that. But I hope that once in their lives, gays would show some sort of discretion. Being out and proud is such a gracious thing, but no matter what we do, there are still those who couldn’t understand us … and won’t understand us.