Thursday, January 3, 2013
The big bulge of Jon Hamm (and more bulge theories)
1. The penis head and one strangled ball. It’s possible that he is wearing boxers and his penis head got caught in the boxers creating the top “ball” while one actual ball came through the bottom side of the boxer getting strangled, which would account for the bottom “ball.” I feel like I’m talking about the shooting of JFK.
2. Crumpled up “Mad Men” script. This may be what a “Mad Men” script looks like all balled up and shoved in Jon Hamm’s pocket. Perhaps it’s the show’s final script and he’s stored it there for safe-keeping?
3. Squash balls. It’s highly likely that he was playing an early morning game of squash and put two of the leftover balls in his pocket and forgot to take them out. That happens all the time.
4. A shit ton of spare change. Jon Hamm has money. And he keeps it all in his left pocket.
5. Two tangerines he was keeping for a snack. Aww. How sweet of him to carry snacks around for him and Jennifer in case they get hungry on their shopping spree.
6. Mrs. Blankenship’s ashes in a plastic baggie. I mean, Ida was by all accounts the queen of perversions in her younger days.
7. Stunt balls to impress the ladies. Maybe this was Jon’s master plan to get us all riled up. Not that we needed any riling up in regards to him.
8. Really big Ben Wa Balls. Maybe he and Jennifer are spicing things up.
SOURCE: The Frisky